no more babies...

About 8 years ago I got to a very low point.  I found it hard to trust God's timing and it was a constant struggle for me to give up control and my desires.  You see, what I wanted more than anything was to become a mom.  But it was not time yet.  I prayed a lot.  Anytime I started to feel a peace over waiting, someone I knew would "pop up" pregnant and send me down a horrible spiral of envy and bitterness.  It was BAD!  At 24 years old everyone I knew was having babies.  Then finally exactly 7 years ago it was our turn.  We were financially "ready" to start trying and thankfully got pregnant on our first try. We were so excited!  And now, 7 years later we have 3 beautiful children.  And we're done.  It's hard to say that.  It seemed like we'd NEVER enter parenthood, but it came and went to quick!  I mean, we're still parents obviously, and we have so many firsts ahead of us.  But the newness of it all is gone, and knowing I will never again be pregnant, plan for 9 months and then welcome a new life, it's HARD!  It's extremely bittersweet and I've really been struggling with it.

I don't want any more kids.  Most days I feel like I'm drowning with 3.  I LOVE motherhood, I love my babies and I love the stage we're in.  My baby is less than 3 months from turning 1 and that is hitting me very hard.  I love the newborn stage.  And I'll never have it again.  And part of me is ok with it.  But part of me is not.  I hear about all these newly pregnant moms and moms to be, and I'm happy for them, but my heart breaks a little b/c that will never be me again.  We're done.  I hate saying that.

So I sit here, sad that the baby stage in our lives will soon be over.  All the firsts we experience with our  son will be our last firsts for that stage.  And I need to be ok with it.  If I had a baby for every time I had baby fever, I'd never stop having babies! lol I seriously don't know how to be ok with it all, but I gotta trust God's plan.  For now I will continue enjoying the crazyness of life with a 6, 3 and 9 month old :)

sweet memories...

When I was growing up, both my grandmothers sewed.  I saw my maternal grandmother daily and my paternal grandmother lived w/ us for a year and after that I still saw her weekly. My childhood memories of them mainly involves them sewing.  My maternal grandmother used to make a ton of my dresses and I loved getting to help her "design" them.  They both taught me some things about sewing and it was always fun to hang out with them.

When I got pregnant with my first, I started working part time and decided I wanted to learn to sew with all my "free time". lol  Hubby surprised me for my birthday that year with a sewing machine, and I had 2 wonderful friends teach me.  Now, almost 7 years later, I am sewing and coming up with things I never thought I'd be capable of.  Whenever I sew, I think of my grandmothers.  I don't have a whole lot of memories of them so sewing and thinking of them is special to me :)

My dining room becomes a "bit" messy with sewing.  I love it and hate it.  The control freak in me HATES the mess, but the creative/crafty side of me loves it. lol 

I am currently making Easter dresses for the girls and they are anxiously awaiting for me to finish.  I love how excited they get to wear my creations.

chores

Before I had kids I had this vision that my house would always be clean, everything in it's proper place.  Alas 3 kids later and that's not always the case.  I have to admit, I've had weeks where I let the house go.  I get so overwhelmed with everything, that I tend to just "survive".  Then I have weeks where I get clean crazy and I snap off at the kids for messing stuff up.  

We've tried chore charts in the past, but it never worked.  This time I was determined to make it work.  4 weeks ago, hubby and I sat down and discussed how to get our kids excited about chores.  We came up with chore charts and a rewards system.  It's been 4 weeks, and the house has never been this clean for this long. lol  

So I made up a chore chart for each girl.  I printed a chart with a list of their chores and taped it to the kitchen cabinets.  I check off daily as they complete each chore. The 6 year old has more chores b/c, well, she's older.  Their chores include; making up beds (I help the little one with this one), feeding their fish, dusting, wiping the bathroom sinks, helping with laundry, cleaning the kitchen table and some others... I also added wiping baseboards and kitchen cabinets to their list, it's not a daily chore like the others, so they do it whenever I see fit.  They do get paid for chores.  We rounded it up at around $.10 per chore, which gets them $5 per week if they do all the chores.  If they argue about a certain chore, like cleaning up the playroom, they still have to do the chore, but they won't get paid.  

This system works for us, and it has been wonderful!  Big sister has been such a great help and does her chores so well.  Baby sister doesn't fully understand the concept of getting paid so she tends to whine more when it comes to certain chores.  So my goal with her is to get her to complete these chores w/out whining. 

I know families who refuse to pay their children for chores.  And I debated on it for a long time.  But hubby wanted to do it this way, and like I said it works for us.  The house stays clean, the girls are learning the lesson of hard work in keeping a clean house, they are learning responsibilities, value of money, and just an overall sense of pride in keeping a clean home.  I want them to know that we can have fun, play, make a mess, but then we also have to clean it up.  It's also been encouraging to me to keep up with my own chores and stay productive in my days.  

Next up I'm gonna work with big sister and teach her how to prepare their own lunches. :)  Should be fun!